Sg2009wc:lettinggo

From She's Geeky Wiki

Title: Letting Go and Saying No

Session: 4-B Bay Area Jan 2009

Convener: BJ Wishinsky bjw@anitaborg.org

Attendees:

• Ealasaid A. Haas writer@ealasaid.com
• Claudia Galvan cgalvan@microsoft.com
• BJ Wishinsky bjw@anitaborg.org

Notes:

BJ Wishinsky has a lot of stuff online about this topic. Slideshow http://www.slideshare.net/wishin/the-art-of-letting-go

Identifying tasks and prioritizing - letting go of things (saying no to 'em) to have time for the important things Build a personalized toolkit of ways of saying "no!" using savvy catchphrases in ways that sound authentic. Create an action plan for what to let go of and how!

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have it." Alice Walker

Four steps for saying no without feeling guilty:

1. Stop! Before you say anything, take a deep breath.

2. Look! Look at your situation, your needs, etc.

3. Listen! to how you feel about it. Acknowledge your feelings.

4. Go! Go on with integrity, whether to say yes or no.

(from Collette Carlson)

Book: Coming up for Air Beth Sawi "Six Easy Ways to say No" is one of the sections.

• Prioritize "I have too much on my plate"
• Delegate "Ask so and so..."
• Simplify "I can't give you everything you're asking for, but I can give you this little piece"
• Procrastinate "I can't do it now because I have no time, ask me in a few weeks"
• Eliminate - just a simple no.
• Set Time Limits "I'm tight on time but can give you 20 minutes"

Good exercise: pick something you need to say no to and try these six ways to say it

Letting go buddy: someone you pair up with and check in with each other on things to let go of. "How's it going, did you tell that person no? Did you stop that one thing?" etc.

Use yes AND this is what is needed to make it happen (for example, "Yes, we can do that. We need X, Y, and Z from you to do it." sends the asker away with a to-do list. Makes 'em less likely to follow up and actually require you to do it, too, heh.)

Cultural thing: do women have more trouble saying "no" than men? Bj and I say yes, Claudia says no! cultural thing probably.

Claudia is from Mexico where women are trained to always always say yes ,and she perceives American women as saying "no" easily -- maybe because American women say "no" more easily than Mexican women? Cultural stuff is slippery.

Brief discussion of dealing with other cultures -- Japan, etc. "We need more research!" says Claudia! for sure.