Session Time/Number: 3 @1pm
Session Space: G
Convener: Jessica R.
Notetaker: Sharon F.
Specific resources to share from session: (links, books, organizations, articles etc.)
Book: Non-Violent Communication by Mark Rosenburg
Book: Crucial Conversations
Book: Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office
Book: Lean In by Cheryl Sandberg
TED Talk: Power of Vulnerability by Rene Brown
Personality Test: DISC Method
– Pick your battles. What is the most important message in each conversation.
– Set your intentions before conversations and explain what you’d like to get out of it, to the audience before you start
– Others’ experience working with you over time will give people a broader perspective on who you are and how you work.
– Own your passion. Being labeled as “emotional” could also be thought of as passion, reframe the conversation.
– Remember your body language and posture.
– Use a framework for communication that uses concrete information that is non-disputable as a metric. E.g. “I’ve observed that in the past two meetings, you’ve interrupted me 4 times… and it makes me feel…” Don’t use “never” or “always”.
– Express your feelings, but then communicate your needs. E.g. “I feel like my insights are not being leveraged. What I need is to feel supported in my contributions. Can you help me with that?”
– Know your audience and the level of comfort they have with the topic. Know if they like small talk or not.
– Do your research. Anticipate what opposing arguments could be.
– Find something in common with the people you expect to receive opposition from (build camaraderie).
– No judgments. Talk about what works and what doesn’t work without blaming or requiring people to defend themselves. Frame it as a positive, “What can we do different next time?”
– Allow yourself to be emotional and acknowledge that internally, but doesn’t mean you have to verbalize it. Just observe it.
– No one wants to be a failure. Ask the person how you can support them to be a more successful team.
– Encourage your team to take a personality test and share the results with each other. Ask for reminders from your team when you’re doing something you would like to stop doing.
– Give yourself permission to excuse yourself from a situation. E.g. “I can’t give my full self to this conversation right now. I’m going to have to discuss this later.”
– In a review (formal or non-formal) situation, if you get feedback on your personality “too timid/quiet”, “too strong/harsh”, bring it back to how those in your position are measured. Remind them of your success regarding those metrics.
– There needs to be top-down message and education within the organization to stop sexist behavior.
– Even when it’s uncomfortable, we need to speak up when things happen. E.g. When you’re interrupted or when a man re-states what you said and gets credit for it.
– Pay attention to your language. E.g. Successful marketing campaign when a bike group changed from talking about “bicyclist” to “person with a bike”.
– Don’t apologize. Be clear with what you think. Be confident. e.g. NO: “I might be wrong here, but …”
– When someone gives you a compliment, say “thank you” and shut up, rather than giving reasons/excuses for your success.