"Confidence" session

2:45PM, Tuesday

Discussion leader: Erica Douglass (Simpli Hosting, SlashChick.com)

Key discussion points:

I had each member give an example of a time when she felt she could have been more confident, or an experience she had that made her more confident. Some of the concerns and experiences that rose out of the discussion are as folllows:

• Being the person "expected" to be confident given your job title
• Navigating technical discussions between both technical and non-technical people
• Networking or giving talks
• Believability
• Convincing yourself that this is "fun"
• Confidence in work, but not in personal life
• Being confident means being dishonest?
• Having others take credit for your idea
• Failure means no one will take you seriously
• Being afraid of failure means you won't want to learn something new

 

Key behavior changes we would like to make:

• Discussion about "status behavior" -- low status (slouching, mumbling) vs. high status (standing up straight, vocalizing)
• Practicing failure through improv class and Toastmasters (particularly failure as being okay; moving on from failure quickly and without embarrassment)
• Vocal changes: "Excuse me" vs. "I'm sorry"; eliminating use of "I think" except to note an opinion; acknowledging multiple options and showing clearly that you have researched these options and you are confident that this is the best one
• Ownership of "oral space" -- make sure you have attention of others by standing up, leaning forward, moving your hands, making eye contact
• Ask questions of others to show you are listening ("Why do you think that is our best course of action?")

 

Key male vs. female behaviors:

• Confidence as "male" vs. consensus-building as "female"
• Men are okay with being first even if it means being wrong -- women are not
• Being a woman means being "protected" by others (particularly men)?
• Women taught at a young age to only speak when they are 100% sure they are right -- men are not